Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
