I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
