So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
