Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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