The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
