Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
