brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
