I met the friendliest cop last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
