I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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