It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
