i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize