you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
