I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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