I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
