You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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