and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
