using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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