The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
