I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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