I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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