He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
