I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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