You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
