Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
