I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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