Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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