we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
