Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
