How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
