He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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