Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
