So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
