That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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