He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i think im in europe. pls send help
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
