so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
