So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
