Kiss
Puke
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
