Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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