I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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