dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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