Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
