# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
