Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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