Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
