I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
