You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
