How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
