I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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