so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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