Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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