im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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