So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
God, I missed his penis.
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