I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
