I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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