Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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