This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
