john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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