The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
