You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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