He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
