You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
