wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
