from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
