...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
