Plan B is the new Plan A
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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