I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
