he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
